If my life in 2024 were a boxing match, I would have despair in one corner, and hope in the other. Sitting there in despair’s corner, waiting for their turn, were grief and anxiety. In hope’s corner sat peace and joy. 2024 was a 7^th round boxing match between despair and hope. Grief and joy. Anxiety and peace. In July when my dad’s diagnosis took a sudden turn for the worst, despair and anxiety kicked the crap out of hope and peace.  When Zoe was born, joy came in to save the match. When my dad, my hero, my best friend, my rock, lost the battle to cancer and passed away in August, grief and despair took over again. I was too battered to give hope or peace a chance, although Zoe’s nascent presence caused joy to sprinkle its way in from time to time.

2024 also oversaw the closing of another monumental chapter in my life: Thailand. The decision to leave my job and our wonderful life in Bangkok was not an easy one. I loved my job, despite the long days, night meetings, and constant travel, I was never bored. Not once in two years. The high-volume workload, the nonstop intensity, the high stakes, and the humanitarian nature of what I did was deeply fulfilling. I served on the best, most kind-hearted team, and watched them make significant and lasting impacts in the communities we supported. And I got to see the world with my husband. Those two years will always hold a very special place in my heart.

But at the end of the day, we knew we were being called home. We both wanted Zoe to grow up around family, and we deeply missed our loved ones and our community.

2024 came and went like a cyclone, and I’m still reeling from the whiplash: The insane work schedule, my first pregnancy, Grant’s two shoulder surgeries, multiple international trips for work and leisure, deciding to resign as Deputy Director of American Red Cross Asia Pacific Division, giving birth to my first child, exhaustion, post-partum hormones, losing my father, moving back to the United States after two years in Thailand (with two dogs, a baby, and an injured husband!!), grappling with unprecedented loss and grief and frantically wondering where we were going to live and work.

Although there were pockets of joy (New Zealand, Austria, Portugal, family, reuniting with my circle, Zoe)…anxiety, worry, and despair ultimately won my 2024 boxing match. My life this year can be summed up by “Everything. Everywhere. All at Once.” And I am overwhelmed by the weight of it all.

The cacophony of 2024, as jarring at it was, did reveal a few truths and teach me some lessons that have lit a fire inside me. The closing of a year and the beginning of a new one may seem arbitrary to some, but it never has to me. And I’m taking the boxing match loss of 2024 to come more prepared for the fight in 2025.

Lesson #1: Busyness is the enemy of wonder. My pastor in Fort Worth said that one Sunday and I’ve never forgotten it, but have yet, until now, applied it to my life. 2024 was…..Everything. Everywhere. All at Once. And I never had time, or created the space, to just….breathe. To pause and revel in the stillness. I’ve always had a childlike wonder about the world, and I don’t want to lose that. I don’t want wonder to slowly fade against the backdrop of constant busyness.

Lesson #2: Gratitude is the antidote to worry. Most people think that in order to have peace, your circumstances need to be joyful. But in fact, the reverse is true. Peace shouldn’t be contingent on your circumstances. By being intentional about having a mindset of gratitude, even in the midst of hardship, pain, and gasp….chaos! You can cultivate peace that is not contingent on your surroundings.

So here’s to my two simple, yet easier-said-than done goals for 2025.

Goal #1: Slow down. I’m tired of whiplash. I’m tired of the cacophony of emotions that fight for center stage. I’m going to create space, in the midst of busyness, to be still. I’m committing to stillness, even if it’s for 5 minutes a day. And in that stillness, find a lot more of Jesus and a lot less of everything else that competes for my attention.

Goal #2: Gratitude. I used to journal all the time. I used to be an avid reader!  Those things brought me peace and helped me cultivate a spirit of gratefulness. I’m committing to writing and reading more, even if it’s once a week to start. And to take a few minutes each day to be intentional about showing gratitude.

This will not be easy. Shifting from chaos to stillness. But I need to put 2024 and its habits to rest.

I think grief will always be in my corner. Life without my father is a waking nightmare I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy. But at least now I have some strategies to grow with and around my grief – or at minimum not let it turn to despair.

Sound the bell. Time to put on those boxing gloves again. One foot in front of the other. Let’s try this again.

Until next time,

SWP