While sitting on a random bus stop bench, the beloved yet fictitious character Forrest Gump once made the astute observation to a perfect stranger that life is like a box of chocolates because “you never know what you’re going to get.” I could not agree more. If my life is anything, it is undoubtedly a box of chocolates. I left my lucrative, stable job of 2 years at the Department of Justice to run a small, nonprofit NGO in the small South American country of Ecuador because my heart once again longed for wonder. My soul craved a break from the monotony and to be lurched once again in the unknown where I could be challenged and learn new skills. I thrive outside of my comfort zone because that is where I am forced to grow and to be the best version of myself. I think if I could summarize my nature in one word it would be “driven.” Over the course of living in 5 different countries outside the U.S., traveling to 19, and having a very diversified array of jobs, I have learned that if I don’t have goals to pursue, and if I’m not being challenged, I become restless and complacent. It is in that void and state of lethargy where I have made some of my biggest mistakes and most regrettable decisions.
Here in Ecuador, my life is never dull, and my job keeps me on my toes at all times. It is one of the most challenging positions, if not the most demanding job I have ever encountered in my professional experience. So why then, at the beginning of this year, was I starting to feel this pull, this nudge, this sense of longing, only halfway through my service? I wake up every day to perfect spring mornings and rolling green mountains just outside my bedroom window. Ecuador is a country of incomparable beauty. I’ve successfully overcome the “Red Sea” and the “wilderness” that I faced in my job and have even gotten the hang of the financial and administrative management to where I’m running a tight ship on smooth waters. And yet…there it was…. the pull. I couldn’t put my finger on why I was feeling this sense of longing for something else. Sure, it’s true that I don’t really have community here. In St. Louis, Washington DC, Northern California, and in my beloved hometown in Central Illinois, I am surrounded by people who love me and people whom I also love and consider family. But in my almost 1 year here in Quito, I have not found that centrifugal community that keeps me grounded and assured, and the loneliness and solitude have taken its toll. But I am no stranger to loneliness and loneliness in and of itself is not something to drive me out of this beautiful country. Nonetheless, I could neither assuage the fire that was steadily growing inside me nor ignore that still, small voice telling me it was time to go.
I took a leap of faith, as I have done so many times before in my life, towards that call, that fire, that sense of wonder. I wrestled with when to tell my boss at WorldTeach headquarters in Boston that I would not be renewing my contract after 1 year. Turns out that I didn’t have to. I got a call from my boss on March 22nd while I was traveling in Colombia. I knew something was wrong if it were important enough to interrupt my birthday vacation. After months of fierce debate and impassioned discussions, weighing all options and pursuing every avenue worth pursuing, working tirelessly to find solutions, the outcome could not be avoided: WorldTeach would be closing their overseas programs. Global volunteerism has shifted, and it’s hard to justify keeping a program open when you’re spending more than you’re earning. After 15 years of making a difference in the lives of thousands of students across Ecuador through English education, WorldTeach is ceasing operations and pulling out of Ecuador and its other 14 countries. Although the news hit me like a freight train coming out of nowhere, I was oddly at peace. I had no idea that closure was on the table and yet my spirit was stirring inside of me long before… that it was time to pursue other options.
The tight ship that I was running before this phone call suddenly capsized on vociferous waters. Smooth turned to raucous as I was charged with notifying our long-standing partner institutions, our cherished host families, and above all, my dedicated volunteers that our program is shutting down. The impact of WorldTeach pulling out of Ecuador cannot be understated. Emotions are high, and the tasks that I have to complete to dissolve a program that has been running for 15 years seem endless.
Yet in spite of this recent turbulence, I am at peace. I didn’t know it at the time when I was taking a leap of faith and looking for other jobs, but my God did. He knew. He guided me with that still, small voice and now my soul is ablaze once again with purpose.
In this delicate in-between state of tumult and peace, I can officially announce that I have accepted a job on the Global Education Team at D.C. Public Schools this Fall. I will be helping develop the Spanish language curriculum, creating Spanish Honors Society, and teaching Spanish to economically disadvantaged students. My exact school placement is still being decided, but I feel an eagerness to be back in the school system empowering students and inspiring them to learn the most beautiful language in the world.
My assistant asked me if I regret coming here and accepting this job, and if I knew the program would be closing, would I still have done it? My answer is yes. Without question. Not only has this job instilled me with indispensable leadership and managerial skills, but I have absolutely loved working with my volunteers and helping them through this crucial journey in their lives. And of course, selfishly, it gave me a chance to live in South America, and explore Ecuador and Colombia, and any travel I undertake is always, always, worth it.
As I wrap up my 1 year in Ecuador, I can’t help but laugh at my particular box of chocolates. Always so full of surprises. Never boring. And who the heck knows what I’ll bite into next.
I come home on August 2nd.
Until next time my faithful readers.
Yours,
Stephanie
Awaken the Wonder 